Gathering my thoughts up like rose petals, and letting the world shine on them to dry.
I feel broken, numb, closed off. My world doesn’t make sense. I feel fake. I used to be so genuine. What the fuck happened? Everything. Nothing. Too many things happened to a girl named sanjida. Who the fuck is sandy.
She’s lost you see. I’ve left home too many times. I’ve loved once and pretended to move on too many times. I’ve been the poster child. But I’ve also been the wild child. I can talk to everyone about anything but sometimes I can’t say anything to anyone.
I don’t know who I am. My beliefs don’t fit, my world is held together with fake smiles and boxes full of worries to take care of tomorrow.
I’m failing my classes. I’m falling in love with a really amazing guy. I’m breaking my parents heart. I’m finding out who my real friends are. I’m failing short in front of God. I’m tired of analyzing, of taking in 10 details in where everyone just sees one. I’m tired of trying to solve an impossible problem. I’m trying of trying to find a way make the pieces fit. I don’t want my mom to die so soon.
I don’t want to be broken anymore. He’s right. I want a salvor. I want someone to rescue me.
There are too many options and too many potential ways to screw up and I’m lost. All I want is for me to be good, to be happy, and for the people around me to understand my choices.
I’m lonely.
