An ounce of honesty
Gathering my thoughts up like rose petals, and letting the world shine on them to dry.
Aug 22nd, 2011 @ 4:43 pm
DDay is tomorrow :-)
Reblogged from Nothing Worth Having Comes Easy..
May 15th, 2010 @ 12:18 am
(via cheapmonday)
Reblogged from stay gold.
May 2nd, 2010 @ 1:48 am
they call me easy
wonder if I’m sane
I dance on tables
I jump from planes
they call me carefree
they call me crude
I run into the night ocean
I curse like a dude
we go out, pretend to
almost kill ourselves,
bond over what I’m willing to do and they’re not
some misguided beginning of a movie
it doesn’t mean you know me
try, judge me by the company I keep
they change by the hour, they don’t see me weep
watch, see what new stunt I’m pulling today
they won’t disappoint on the shock
but we go out, pretend to
almost kill ourselves
bond over shoes and boys
some misguided beginning of a movie
dare, figure me out
they call me carefree
I sleep with a night light
they call me brave
oh, is that right?
they call me crude
pretty please,
shut the fuck up,
mayhap, if you could.
Apr 4th, 2010 @ 3:21 am
Good night
I feel broken, numb, closed off. My world doesn’t make sense. I feel fake. I used to be so genuine. What the fuck happened? Everything. Nothing. Too many things happened to a girl named sanjida. Who the fuck is sandy.
She’s lost you see. I’ve left home too many times. I’ve loved once and pretended to move on too many times. I’ve been the poster child. But I’ve also been the wild child. I can talk to everyone about anything but sometimes I can’t say anything to anyone.
I don’t know who I am. My beliefs don’t fit, my world is held together with fake smiles and boxes full of worries to take care of tomorrow.
I’m failing my classes. I’m falling in love with a really amazing guy. I’m breaking my parents heart. I’m finding out who my real friends are. I’m failing short in front of God. I’m tired of analyzing, of taking in 10 details in where everyone just sees one. I’m tired of trying to solve an impossible problem. I’m trying of trying to find a way make the pieces fit. I don’t want my mom to die so soon.
I don’t want to be broken anymore. He’s right. I want a salvor. I want someone to rescue me.
There are too many options and too many potential ways to screw up and I’m lost. All I want is for me to be good, to be happy, and for the people around me to understand my choices.
I’m lonely.
Mar 29th, 2010 @ 1:57 am
pangs.
there are pangs, pangs of me missing pieces of my soul. when I left, he filled his missing pieces with pieces of crack. I lick my wounds by trying to convince myself that everything is exactly as it should be, that it wasn’t my fault. That I did nothing wrong.
there are pangs, pangs of me missing pieces of my soul.
and while I never picked up a knife or a gun,
it feels like I killed a man.
Mar 28th, 2010 @ 3:11 pm
stuff and nonsense
This is the part of the movie they fast forward with soulful music. You know where the main character is doing something completely unrelated to the pain she’s feeling, like folding laundry, or looking through the car windows as the rain beats down on the wipers. The silent struggle that seems artsy and meaningful. If the main character is a guy, this is the scene after he messes up and the girl leaves. He’s drinking down his pain or lifting heavy weights to work through the pain he’s feeling. This is the meaningless sex and ridiculous amounts of sports watching/playing part.
But I’m excited. Because while this part is difficult, there’s a scene after this. The part where all the failures compound to something fruitful, and at long last you taste success. I’m hungry for that success.
Mar 22nd, 2010 @ 10:43 pm
not all who wander
are lost. But these days, I find myself not being happy.
I’m starting to think the biggest wars we fight are not fought with money and tanks and the blood of boys who are too young, broke and burdened to know any better. The biggest battles are those inside of us, without defeat or victory, the ones where we pit self vs self. You end up beating yourself up. All alone, all day, all night, there is no peace here.
Clearly, something needs to change. Now I just need to not kill myself in the process of figuring out what that is.
Mar 20th, 2010 @ 10:50 pm
Mar 13th, 2010 @ 8:53 pm
an exercise in expression
This year I’ve given up sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking and now twitter. Well, I haven’t given up twitter, just taking a break.
It’s eating me up inside. Not the absence of an orgasm as it brims over you, poured over screams and tangled legs and shoulders. Not the clink of toasting strong whiskey and dances where we end up on the ground, like children ringing around a rosey, rosey drunken world. Not the magical world of mushrooms, not the dark lustful adventures atop a washing machine, not the smooth rush of energy sucked from a cigarette. Not the narcissistic commentary on my life, nor the chase of some illusion of a promised land, where the drinks always flow, the food sates, the sex comes, where the party goes on.
I don’t need these things. But keep your crown. Fuck her. Smoke your (choice of drug here). Drink it down. Rationalize why it would have never worked out.
See if that makes you love me any less. It just might. And that eats me up a little bit. For now, for today. Tomorrow, probably not so much.
@ 6:57 pm
(via dailylolpic)
lol just because a guy can open up a girls vagina, does not mean it can open her heart.
Reblogged from dailylolpic.
